My thoughts in Taglish

grabe!  super init dito ngayon!!!  earlier the thermometer in my car read “114 F” as temperature outside.  yikes!   actually, it’s not just a hot saturday, it’s been a hot week.  we are still under heat advisory until 7 pm.  ang sama eh, this is just the first week of summer for us.  kung over 100 na yung temp ngayon beginning of summer, how high kaya will it go at the peak of summer?  i don’t even want to think about it.

it’s a quiet weekend for me.  walang set activities except for the leadership seminar at church this morning.  i told ann before that i probably won’t attend the seminar today kasi wala naman live na speaker, we’re watching a dvd.  but i’m glad i decided to attend.  dr. howard hendricks is really good.  as i was watching and taking notes kanina, i was thinking… why am i even attending these leadership seminars?  why did i even study christian leadership?  hindi naman kasi ako naghahangad na maging leader sa church.  plus i really see myself more as a manager than leader.  part of prof. hendricks’ lecture kanina eh yung difference ng leader and manager.  i remember back when i was in criswell, one of my prof taught us that too and even at that time, i fit the manager’s description more than the leader’s description.   the thing is, wala naman kasing sumusunod sa akin.  kung ikaw ay leader, kailangan may followers ka.  anyway, i’ll be praying about it.  i’m sure may reason si Lord kung bakit i’m being exposed to all these leadership trainings.

while eating my lunch i was sort of playing with jubilee.  she’s so cute and smart  she even asked “are you happy to see me?”  in her sweet voice.  kakatuwa talaga.  anyway, someone commented that i’m really good with kids.  that’s actually a comment i’ve heard a lot lately.  i love kids.  i enjoy playing with them.  and i’m glad they like me too, hahaha….  anyway, today someone asked if i ever considered teaching the praise chorister (which is our kids choir, kindergarten to 3rd grade).  na-shock naman ako.  ako, teaching choir?  ok lang siya?  i know i love to sing.  and i know i love kids.  pero as i told the person, playing with kids and teaching kids to sing are two very different things.  tsaka, ano naman ang alam ko sa music?  mahilig lang akong kumanta, pero no formal training whatsoever sa music.  eh sa english choir nga eh, hirap rin ako sa counting ng beats and sa pagkanta ng tama.  tsaka, i’m not a good teacher rin naman.  standing in front of a bunch of kids scares me to death, ok, maybe not to death, but you know what i mean.  magaling lang talaga akong makipaglaro sa bata.   kasi siguro i don’t mind making a fool of myself mapatawa or mapa-smile ko lang yung bata.  kids, they’re just so cute!

i’ve been meaning to go to mardel (christian bookstore) pero every time i think of it, it’s either wednesday (when they close early) or sunday (they’re closed).  and since wala naman akong agenda today, i went there.  i love going there kasi they have several shelves of bargain books.  from 50-90% discount.  i mean, how can you not buy a book that’s like $1.25?  kaya ayun, napabili na naman ako  kahit na i still have books at home na i haven’t read.  heehehee….  and since i’m in that area na, i stopped by spoonfull to get my fro-yo fix.  spoonfull is really low on my fro-yo place to go to kasi yung mga flavored fro-yo nila, di ko type, di masarap (too sweet).  i only like their plain tart.  but it’s right there and it’s extremely hot outside, so i went to get some  tapos nandoon na rin naman yung chinese grocery, eh di stop by na rin.  as i was shopping i was thinking of what to cook for lunch this week and wala akong maisip.  i’m so tamad to cook and believe it or not, tamad to eat.  well, more like walang gana kumain, kasi nga ubod ng init!!!!  all i want to do is drink cold drinks.

nothing planned for tomorrow either.  just the usual, actually minus choir practice in the morning, so most likely i’ll be late for the worship service  maybe i should start working on my own scrapbook.  i have the supplies na naman, pero di ko lang talagang maumpisahan.  it’s my travel scrapbook.  not that i’ve traveled a whole lot.   pero i did keep the brochures/tickets/etc. from the several places i’ve been to.

oh, i’m not too stressed at work anymore.  medyo nag settle down na.  oh wait, may deadline na naman pala next week.  tapos ang sama eh yung mga taong involved doon sa project ay out of town.  naku po!  pero ok lang yan, kung nakayanan namin dati, kakayanin namin ulit ngayon.  Lord, help me please…   thank God for email.  at least they’ll still be reachable.

sayang tapos na yung “boystown”, wala na akong papanoorin sa sunday.  i still can’t believe that the actor/actress playing the roles of parents to these teenagers are people my age - ana roces, romnick sarmienta.  yung mga teenage actors dati, parents na ngayon. ngek!  but then as a friend of mine said nga, kami lang naman daw ang hindi pa nag-aasawa, yung mga ka-age namin nagsi-pag-asawa na at may mga anak na.  true that.

oh, i didn’t make kwento yet.  i went to visit the lorilla family last saturday.  at long last!!!  grabe ha, we figured it’s been more than a year since i last visited them.  bad haidee! (shakes head).  there have been so many changes in that family, pero, they’re still so much fun to hang out with, as always   tito cards was happy to see their ‘eldest daughter’ in dallas, heeheehee….  i told them i won’t wait another year to visit.   sana kasi they live closer eh.  nagreklamo pa eh, hahaha….

i’ve uploaded pictures on my facebook that are UECP related.  i think what made me decide to do that was me getting feedbacks from college friends who are thankful for the pictures “college days” i posted on fb.  kaya naisip ko, i’ll post pictures from UECP naman since UECP has been such a big part of my life.  tsaka tamang-tama rin it’s UECP 80th anniversary this year.   i already got good feedbacks.  pero i’m not sure if i should keep tagging people kasi some people might not want their friends now to see what they look like then.  but then again, they’re free to ‘un-tag’ themselves naman eh

okay, enough blogging.  now on to reading…..

i figured out what i’m going to do friday night —  work!  yes, it’s 7:40 pm and i’m still at work.  trying to figure things (numbers) out.  sigh.  sabi nung faculty member yesterday sa akin, “go home, you have a life.”  well, me still at work on a friday night just proved him wrong — i don’t have a life

so, i’ve been watching ‘may bukas pa’ and in today’s episode selda found out that her husband mario is the father of stella (her niece), a product of one night stand with malena (selda’s sister).  grabe!  kakaawa si selda.  she fought for their love.  nagalit (and still is galit) yung mom niya sa kanya kasi she chose to tanan and marry mario.  before tonight’s episode, kita mo talaga they love each other so much.  tapos she found out about this matter.  ang sakit.  sobra sobrang betrayal.  i was thinking… if i was in her shoes, kakayanin ko bang magpatawad?  grabe!  feel na feel ko yung sakit kahit na it’s not even happening to me, how much more kung totoong mangyari yun sa akin.  huwag naman sana Lord.

anyway, on a brighter note… i got a phone call from a friend informing me about an answered prayer.  galing talaga ni Lord!  He works in His own way and own time   all the more reason for me to keep believing and trusting that He knows the plans He has for me, plans to prosper me and not to harm me, plans to give me hope and a future (jeremiah 29:11).  and that He is not withholding any good thing from me (psalm 84:11).

somehow bigla kong naisip ‘tong kantang ‘to.  bakit kaya?

May I never lose the wonder,
The wonder of the cross.
May I see it like the first time
Standing as a sinner lost,
Undone by mercy and left speechless,
Watching wide eyed at the cost.
May I never lose the wonder,
The wonder of the cross.

have been meaning to blog pero parating nasa-sidetrack with something else.  now i’ve finally sat myself down and specifically not playing any pinoy shows in the background so i could concentrate blogging.  feeling ko ang dami kong gustong ikwento.  we’ll see how much i can remember to write down.

let’s start on a sad tone muna.  this sunday is father’s day.  tapos monday is supposed to be my dad’s 75th birthday.  tapos it’ll be 5 months on tuesday since my dad passed away.  o di ba, sunod sunod.  will i finally cry my heart out come sunday/monday/tuesday?  i don’t know.  i think it’ll just be weird when people talk about dads and all that and me not having one anymore, an earthly one that is, i still have my heavenly Father

last night i had this sudden urge to cry.  and cry i did.  it started when i watched a video clip a friend sent.  tapos i stopped for a bit pero still feeling very unsettled and restless inside.  i eventually picked up a book and read and started crying.  i slept well, kakapagod kasi umiyak eh, hahaha…  why the sudden urge to cry?  i don’t know.  sadyang ganyan lang ako, may pagka-weird, i mean unique

like i mentioned on my previous post, work is taking over my life.  sabi ko nga sa friends ko i feel like the energizer bunny at work, i keep going and going… walang tigil sa trabaho.  today i stayed til almost 8 pm.  minsan nga naisip ko, ano kaya feeling nung hindi umuwi and just stay there the whole night?  Lord, please don’t put me in that situation ha?  i’m just wondering lang naman.  i kinda lost track of time today kasi i was working on a task, it’s one of those paginumpisahan mo na, mahirap ng itigil hanggang matapos.  i didn’t get to finish it pero i left na.  it won’t make a difference naman kung matapos ko today or tomorrow or sa isang araw.   oh yeah, i remembered earlier that there was a point in my work life (sometime last year lang nga i think) when i got bored with my work, parang walang ka-challenge challenge, ganun.  well, ngayon it’s the total opposite.  i don’t have time to be bored at punong puno ng challenge.  every time may lumalapit sa desk ko, kinakabahan na ako, ano na naman ang problemang kailangan kong solusyunan.  kada open ng email eh another request for something from me.  same thing with the phone, pagnag-ring, naku po, may kailangan na naman.  hay……  thank God at understanding naman yung mga co-workers ko, even those from other departments who are requesting things from me.  they’re aware na i have more responsibilities so they don’t bug me too much to get what they need from me.  they know naman that i’ll get to it, eventually, hahaha…  k, enough about work.

one thing that i had wanted to write about was the conversation i had with auntie betty on her birthday dinner.  we were talking about her praying for a couple to be blessed with a baby.  tapos i asked why the hurry eh they’re not even married for a year.  then she said kasi daw medyo matanda na yung wife.  naturally i asked how old she is.  she said “27″ to which i replied “aray ko!”.  if 27 is old, pano na ako?  hahaha….   you know what’s funny though is that sometimes i think yeah, it’s too late for me, i probably won’t get married and have kids.  pero sometimes naman i’m so excited to find out who i’ll end up with and am looking forward to having kids.  ang gulo talaga ng isip ko.

somehow my mind is drawing a blank right now.  whatever happened to all those thoughts that i had wanted to post.  sigh.  maybe siguro nagsha-shut down na yung mind ko kasi it’s 10 pm na, close to my bedtime.  everyday in the morning i keep telling myself i’ll sleep earlier but i ended up not doing so.  ang hirap naman kasi when you work late, pagdating mo sa bahay, sandali pa lang, bedtime na.

oh yeah, two saturdays ago i mentioned to katie that i wanted to go watch “up” kasi i’ve read people’s comments on how good the movie is.  i have no idea what the movie is about though.  tapos last saturday katie asked if i wanted to go watch it.  i was just thinking of asking her.  great minds think alike talaga.  we went to watch it, maganda nga, may halong iyak and tawa.  that little boy reminded us of this little boy at our church.  when katie’s husband made that comment, i couldn’t stop laughing kasi talagang siyang siya nga, hahaha…  o nga pala, sa sobrang iyak ko, kamuntik na naman mawala yung contact lens ko.

one last thing, bago ko pa makalimutan.  i was thinking… dati i complained how i had to go to awana on fridays.  tapos last friday naman i felt sad that i’m not doing anything (i ended up watching tv at home).  tapos na kasi yung awana, sa september na ulit mag-resume.  ano naman kaya gagawin ko this friday?

that’s exactly what i feel like.  kasi biruin mo hanggang sa panaginip, i’m still thinking of work.  my goodness!!!  i need to be set free from this bondage.  

i’ve been meaning to blog but i just couldn’t find the time to do so.  pano kasi i’ve been staying late at work.  today nga lang ako medyo maaga umuwi (i left around 5:30 pm) kasi my co-worker warned me that we’re under severe thunderstorm watch/warning.  buti na lang she did kaya i left earlier than usual and was home already by the time the rain (with strong wind) start pouring.  sobrang lakas talaga nung ulan at hangin at one point, nilipad nga yung trash can ko sa labas eh.  hindi naman kailangan for me to stay late but if i don’t magpapile up yung mga kailangan gawin.  kasi everyday something else comes up.  kung baga eh i get to cross out some task from my to-do list pero for every one that i get to cross out, siguro 2-3 yung nadadagdagan.  marami pa sana akong gustong ikwento pero it’s 10:30 pm na.  kung dati that’s early, ngayon it’s past my bedtime na.  i realized that i can’t survive on 6 hours of sleep with my current workload.  i need to get all the rest i can kasi sobrang nauubos yung energy ko by the end of the work day and i can’t afford to be sleepy at the start of the day.  in a way thankful na rin ako sa uncertainties of issues/tasks that i face each day kasi it made me depend on the Lord.  i have to start my work day with prayer and end it with a prayer of thanks as well.  that’s the only way i’ve survived these past few weeks and will be able to survive the weeks to come.  oh Lord, have mercy!!!